Of Forests and Denizens Thereof

It all started when she told me she lived in a floating forest.

“That's a load of crap,” I said with a laugh, pointing a lazily accusing finger over my drink. She responded with hands to her hips and a defiant glare.

“I do!” The forcefulness of her stamping foot caused some of the glitter in her hair to come loose and drift to the floor. “I live in a cottage in a floating forest. Not too far from here, either. I could show you.” I wasn't entirely certain of she was still being flirtatious or if she had progressed to a childlike desire to simply prove me wrong. The stomping indicated the latter, but her quickly returning smile was a clear sign of the former.

I was in the middle of formulating my decline when her hand lashed out and took mine. I barely had time to take firm hold of my drink and take it with me as she dragged me away from the counter and into the crowd. Some kind of newfangled electronic prog-rock swelled through the air in waves, the crescendos from the stage clashing terribly with the echo from the back wall above the bar. This place had awful acoustics. Maybe it helped the crappier bands mask their own bad playing with bad venue sound… but that was a bit like hiding crap under differently colored crap.

It wasn't until she had dragged me out the door that I finally managed to make a protest that she could actually hear. “Hey,” I half-shouted, “What on earth are you doing?”

“I'm taking you to my cottage in a floating forest, stupid.” Her curly black hair bounced as she twirled to stick her tongue out at me. She was being flirtatious again, for sure.

I supposed that the likelihood of this somewhat short, bubbly girl managing to knock me out and take my kidney was pretty low. Being 3 drinks in certainly didn't make the decision any harder. My alarm bells were going off, but they were too distant and vague to worry about. “Where exactly is your floating forest then, oh Elf Queen?”

She laughed at that. “Excuse you, I am Queen of the Faeries, not the elves.” She winked and took a few quick strides, pulling me further along. “Come on! It's only a quick subway ride to the docks, and then I can take you to my forest.”

“Ah. Drink pun. Nice. But what exactly makes you think I'm gonna come willingly?” I raised an eyebrow at her and stole a quick sip of my drink.

“Because you're already coming along willingly.” She tugged at my arm as she lead me down to the subway.

“Ok, maybe you have a point…” The train hadn't arrived yet when we made it to the platform. I leaned against a concrete support pillar while she stood in front of me, still holding onto my hand and fidgeting with excitement. It was like she was a small, spastic puppy tugging me along by her leash.

“So,” I said slowly as I watched her. “How exactly did you acquire this floating forest?”

“I inherited it, of course.”

“Neat. From a relative?”

“My parents, of course. But it was a long time ago.”

I nodded slowly. “So what do you do?”

She looked back at me, her confusion causing the first break in her constant smiling since we left the bar. “How do you mean?”

“I mean for a living. How do you make the payments on your floating forest?” I tossed my empty cup at the nearest trashcan. I missed.

“Oh.” She was quiet for a moment. “I'm the head of a governmental tax collection agency in the city.”

“Really?” The bluntness of her declaration made it hard to gauge if this was utter BS or probably true. “So, IRS?”

“No, not the IRS. I'm actual- Oh, the train!” She squeezed my hand and yanked me to a standing position before continuing to drag me along. I was honestly surprised she didn't pry the doors open. When we stepped inside, she opted to let go of my hand for a time. It left my hand feeling tingly and somewhat cold without the constant warmth of another person’s touch.

“So you’re not IRS. I can’t say I’m familiar enough with the US Tax Code to know exactly what other tax-related agencies there are.” I held on to the horizontal bar hanging from the ceiling and tried to ignore the fact that she was leaning her full body against me for the sake of politeness.

She responded to my statement with a shrug. “Me neither. But I never said I work for the US government now did I?”

“What other government would you be working for?” I gave her a look involving raised eyebrows and squinting eyelids to ensure she knew exactly how comically suspicious I was.

She laughed. A sound like the tinkling of clear bells. “That’s gonna stay my secret for now.”

“Well, if you’re a Russian spy then you best pay for my silence with good vodka.” I let out a huff and shivered a little. She put even more of her weight on me.

“You cold?” She looked up at me with concerned eyes.

“Not really. I just get shivery after a few drinks.” I scratched my face with my free hand, leaving me temporarily defenseless just long enough for her to sneak her arms around my waist. I coughed politely. “You alright?”

“Yeah. Just been a long time since I’ve hugged a human being. You’re kind enough to not mind if I intrude a bit.” She smiled up at me with that same mischievous, flirty glance.

“Ah. Been a lonely time for you?”

“Busy is a better word for it. Busy with politics.”

I paused there. She was being really…. Dodgy. Was she some kind of foreign dignitary? I had to admit I wasn’t exactly up to date on my european royalty and so there was perhaps the chance that she was a princess or something. Were there any countries with a particular tie to faeries? Had that been a hint? I definitely didn’t want to outright ask, but it felt like she was dropping hints about being in some kind of foreign government.

“I guess I can understand that. Though I’m sure I’m dealing with politics of a very different scale. Figuring out who’s been taking all the towels from the pool and trying to negotiate when Steve can listen to loud music and explaining to apartment 402 why they can’t swap the numbers around even if they ARE stoners, is a very different kind of politics.”

“It is. But it is also very important. Just because there are fewer lives at stake and the focus is much smaller, doesn’t mean the politics of your apartment complex don’t have an effect.”

“I guess that’s true…. Should be, what, two more stops to the docks?”

She nodded instead of speaking, then made a quiet hum of acknowledgement. “I can’t wait for you to see my forest.”

I chuckled. “Oh yeah. I’d almost forgotten where you were taking me amidst all of the conversation.”

“Don’t lose your focus now, big man. You’ve got a lot to see, yet.” She was quiet for a while. So was I. She was the first to speak up, just one stop away from where we would be getting off. “Where was the most beautiful place you’ve ever been?”

I didn’t catch her question at first. I had to ask her again.

“The most beautiful place you’ve ever been. Where was it?”

I had to think for a few moments before I finally came up with an answer. “When I was really young, I was in the Boy Scouts. And this one time, we got to go to a camp out west that covers a mountain range. Well, as part of the camp we got to climb the tallest mountain in the camp’s range. I don’t remember the name of it, but I remember being at the top. It was too tall to have trees on top, and the summit was flat and covered with pebbles. Me and my troop sat there for a minute, and we could see the whole mountain range. While I was there I found a little bit of brush with a colony of ladybugs living in it. I think that was the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.” I looked down, feeling suddenly like I’d been talking for way too long at once.

“It sounds beautiful.” She was looking up at me with wondering eyes. “I’ve never really had many chances to travel. I’m not even really supposed to be here right now, but I took a chance.”

I chuckled. “Lemme guess… politics?” My hand found its way into my pocket.

She nodded. “Yep. Politics. Come on, this is our stop.” Before I knew it, she was no longer hugging me and was once again pulling me along by the arm. She was crazy strong for as small as she was. Queen of the Bodybuilders, more like.

We walked down a few more streets, chatting and joking as we had been until then. I still couldn’t get a read on where exactly she was supposed to be from. She let go of me a few times to go twirling off like a ballet dancer whenever her excitement seemed to get the best of her. Her smile was infectious, and before long we found ourselves having a skipping race. She was much faster than me. She barely seemed to touch the ground, she went so fast. Who was this girl?

“There it is!” She exclaimed as she rounded a corner shortly before I did. I followed the line of her arm out to the docks, where there was an old, but very large trash barge. But this one wasn’t filled with trash. It was apparently filled with soil. And on top of it, a respectable grove of trees and, of course, a little cottage.

“Ohhh, it’s a floating forest. Not a floating forest. Like, floats on water, not floating on air. Not… really sure how I still thought it would be in the air after you told me it was near the docks.”

She flicked me on the arm. It hurt. “Come on, stupid. Let’s go.” I followed her down the dock, starting to wonder what other things might be in store for me tonight. If this adventure was anything to go by, I was probably in for a treat.

She helped me onto the barge and opened her little cottage. I had to duck through the door, but the inside was spacious enough for me to stand up. “Now then,” she said with her back to me and a voice that suggested a sly smile. “Time to more formally introduce myself.” I didn't have time to inquire about what she meant by that before her loose shirt came over her head and I saw...

I paused for a moment and blinked a few times. “Wait. Were those… always there?” Maybe it was a trick of the light or a really convincing tattoo. Maybe she really had spiked my drink. But sure enough, there they were. Thin, gossamer wings fluttering on her back as if they'd been there the whole time. She was already turning around and grinning at my dumbfounded expression and gaping fishmouth.

“I already told you, stupid,” She said with a smirk as she closed the distance between us, “Queen of the Faeries.”